The First Nights

1. You don't have to be okay tonight

Grief often arrives in the body before it makes sense in the mind: a heavy chest, a racing heart, exhaustion, a fog where words won't stay. This is common, and it usually eases. Tonight, the only job is getting through tonight.

2. Let the tears come if they come

Crying is one of the ways the body settles itself, and many people feel a little calmer after. If the tears don't come, that's normal too. Some people grieve by doing, walking or making things. There's no right way.

3. Eat something small. Drink some water.

Appetite often disappears. You don't need a meal. Toast, a banana, a cup of tea with sugar, a glass of water by the bed. Small and often is enough for now.

4. Tell one person

You don't need to tell everyone. Just one person who can check on you tomorrow. A message as short as "I'm having a hard night" is enough. If no one comes to mind, the people on a helpline are there for exactly this.

5. If you can't sleep, don't fight it

Nights are often the hardest part. Get up, sit somewhere soft, keep the lights low. Write down what's going round in your head, so it's on paper instead of on a loop. Try again when you feel heavy.

6. Say it, even if no one hears

The things you didn't get to say don't go away because the chance has passed. Say them out loud, write them on a scrap of paper, or write to Wren. Many people find it loosens something.

7. Don't make big decisions yet

Their things, the room, the house, a new pet, a new job: none of it has to be decided this week. You're allowed to leave everything exactly where it is for now.

8. Keep one small anchor

Grief swings between feeling the loss and simply getting through the day. Both are healthy. Choose one ordinary thing to keep doing (a shower, a short walk, feeding the other pets, opening the curtains) to give the day a shape.

9. Expect waves

It won't go in a straight line. A good hour can be followed by a terrible one. A song, a smell or a time of day can knock you over weeks from now. That isn't going backwards. That's how grief moves.

10. Know when to ask for more help

If you can't function at all for many weeks, if you're using alcohol or anything else to get through, or if you're having thoughts of not wanting to be here, please talk to a doctor or a helpline. Asking early is a strength, not a failure.

This page offers comfort and general information, not medical or psychological advice.